Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
