piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
