she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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