that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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