oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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