i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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