I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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