How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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