Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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