My room smells like vodka and shame
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
