considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
