Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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