I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
