I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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