there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
