They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
