so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't think brook has ever known best
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
