turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
