Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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