I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
