..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You ruined the universe
Randomize
