i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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