my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
