I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The beer is more important than you right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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