i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize