sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Less talking, more tequila
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
