just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
