he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
