Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
