You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
