But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
