I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
