I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
