ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize