You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
tell me about the fingering
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