JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
