Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
