I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
