Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
