eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
