I haven't been this sober since birth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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