I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
