cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
