if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
