Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
