You're so nebulous sometimes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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