oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
wow bdsm is so cute
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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