So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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