I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
