I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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