I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so let's talk penis.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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