I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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