So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I understand Curling. That high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize