My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
