Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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