Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
