dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
