So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
