Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
