Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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