Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize