Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
