APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
