You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
