in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
