both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
