Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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