Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
