bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
