I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
