if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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