Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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