At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
