Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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