he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
