sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
