i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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