i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize