please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
