those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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