Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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