for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
