Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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