Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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