Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
