if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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