When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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