Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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