White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize