How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
