i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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