So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
