The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Who died my cat blue again?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
