i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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