hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
