Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i barfeds in our rink
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
