and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
