I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
