She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
