dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
