If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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