don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
