tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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