I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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