are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
