Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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