Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
