why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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